[Archive]Roll to Survive: The Gods Are Not Present Here

Title: The Gods Are Not Present Here
Author: Zerovirus

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From the author of the hit R2D, Prismpunk, where the name of the game is creativity and awesome...

Comes a horrible hellhole of a game unlike any other ever seen before. It is a land of depravity. It is a place of terror. You will be flung into your worst nightmare, and there will be no redemption. Nothing awaits you but the bliss of an eternity under the cold, packed earth- and even then, you will not survive.


Players:
1: Saima
2: Bigkahuna
3: FLAMELASHER
4: Rulyon
5. FoolishBalloon

Backstory:

Gameplay:

How to Sign Up:

This may last for a really long time. This may not last long at all. We'll see how it works out. This won't be quite as detailed or intensive as Prismpunk; rather, it is a lighter form of entertainment. I fully expect that anyone can just jump in without having to read a ton of backstory or gameplay systems. This will definitely be a somewhat slapstick game. The only similarity this will share with Prismpunk will probably be a level of ridiculousness beyond anything you have ever seen.

For there are no Gods here. I am your God.

Welcome to Hell.

Introduction

Spoiler:

Day 1: Morning

The first day in these accursed Assholian lands. You can't wait to smash the barbariansm out of the natives and introduce them to the true way of civilized life, indeed. As the sun peeks out from the horizon, so too do you peek out from the edge of your tents. You quickly dress, and crawl out of your respective tents to be greeted by your loyal soldiers, already prepared for a day's hard work.

"Sirs!"

You lazily gesture back at your troops. "Morning, soldiers. What's today's objective for territory clearing?"

"We are to clear at least 4 tiles of Assholian resistance fighters today, honored generals."

"Well, that's good then! Saddle up, soldiers, and move out!"

"..."

"We generals have given you orders, soldiers. Saddle up!"

"Sirs.. Um."

"What?"

"...All our horses got, uh, they disappeared."

"WHAT?"

"The only ones left are lying on the ground over there- and they don't look too good."

You walk over to inspect them, and the horses don't look so much like horses than blobs of mutated flesh, pulsating green sacks that leak gross-looking foam from what used to be their mouths.

Four hundred blobs of mutated flesh.

All leaking foam.

"...Well."

"Also, sir- some of the soldiers have been getting sick from the water. Apparently, we're not used to some of the minerals in the Assholian environment, and it's tainting us and making us sick. We have switched to drinking the water we carry with us, but that may not last."

"...That's not good either."

"Finally, sir, Richland's tactical advisors lost track of the Eighth, Ninth, and Twenty-fourth Cleansing Troops last night. We suspect they may have fallen prey to, uh, resistance guerrillas."

"I see. Has Tacticom given us specific instructions for civilizing tiles?"

"No, sir. We may simply proceed to any tiles in any direction save south, as we came from the south. We must however take at least 4 before the end of the day."

Well, that's good to know, what with it being your first day and all.

So what do you do, would-be-conquerors?

Status Report:
You have camped on an open field with 400 diseased horses.
To your north are open fields.
To your south are open fields.
To your east are open fields.
To your west is the edge of a forest.

It is rainy today.

>What do you do about the horse problem?
>What do you do about the drinking water problem?
>Which tile configurations will you civilize today, and where will you deploy your men and leave your leaders?

Saima:

Bigkahuna:

Rulyon:

Flamelasher:

FoolishBalloon:

Roll #1

Spoiler:

Bigkahuna busies himself with investigating the dying horses.

"So. These... Things. What exactly caused it? Was it something in the water? Or perhaps grass?"

"Sir, we have no idea. Probably a combination of all of the above- Assholia's climate and ecology is, uh, really really antagonistic. I know that doesn't even apply to ecology, but that's the best way to put it."

You consider this fact- well, it's not like you didn't already know how much Assholia sucked.

With that, the five commanders begin deploying their troops.

Bigkahuna decides to move 100 soldiers west. 50 soldiers begin constructing shelters. 50 soldiers are battle-ready. Bigkahuna heads west.

Saima decides to move 100 soldiers west. 90 soldiers are battle-ready. 10 soldiers are in training. Saima heads west.

Rulyon decides to move 24 soldiers north, 24 soldiers east. Rulyon sends scouting parties of 2 soldiers north and east each. 48 soldiers are battle-ready on the original tile. Rulyon heads west.

Foolishballoon decides to move 100 soldiers west. 100 soldiers are battle-ready.

Flamelasher decides to scout the area with 80 soldiers. 20 soldiers are deployed to each adjacent tile. 20 soldiers are battle-ready on the original tile.

Bigkahuna, Saima, Foolishballoon, and Rulyon peer out from beneath their large, frilled ceremonial hats adorned with peacock feathers replicated in silver, gold, and lacreous fibers. The damned things kept getting tangled in the branches, but you weren't about to take your hat off. No sir!

"This forest doesn't seem to harbor any enemies. There are a whole lot of trees, though."

"What say we begin to construct some shelters? We'll need places to stay when we're finding water and there's not much chance of us pitching tents with so many trees."

"Capital idea!"

And so, trees are fell and branches are taken, and by the evening you have built for yourself sturdy huts of branches and leaves, fine green shrubbery waving luscious handfuls of leaves at you. Still, it's not enough for everyone- you'll have to build more if you want all of the soldiers housed. Each of the shelters can house one soldier for the night, apparently, and you waste no time in setting up a random lottery for all the troops in the forest to draw from. That evening, many a disappointed groan were heard as soldiers lamented their ill fortune, being forced to sleep under the stars.

Bigkahuna has constructed 56 wooden shelters. The west tile has been cleared!

Saima decides to depart halfway through the construction, leading 10 soldiers of his personal selection off to the side to instruct them in the methods of leadership. By the boons of great fortune and the blessings of Richland, all ten soldiers are clever and willing to learn, and catch on to Saima's teachings quickly.

Saima has converted 10 soldiers to 10 lieutenants.

While Rulyon enjoys rest with his allied leaders, his troops scout the north and east tiles.

The northern scouting forces of Rulyon and twenty soldiers of Flamelasher find no enemies of human shape. Preparing to head back, a soldier takes an erring step-

And he finds his foot penetrated through a dried mud membrane, to enter a nest of buzzing black insects. Quickly, the enraged fliers take to the air, each nearly two inches in length, and the soldiers find themselves forced to fend off an infestation of wasp-like bugs.

The north tile yields 4 Deathwasp Swarms and 1 Deathwasp Hive! 4 scouts are slain! 4 Deathwasp swarms are slain! 1 Deathwasp Hive is slain! The tile has been cleared!

As the scouts return, lamenting their death but also cheering their victory in the north tile, the east tile's scouts have a different story to tell altogether.

As the east scouts, numbering 44 as well, went for the day, they found no enemies and cleared the tile easily. The tile seems to host several bushes, growing with luscious red fruit. The scouts note that harmless native wildlife was eating the fruit without harm, though he also notes the strange biology of the Assholia lands.

The east tile yields 3 Red Fruitbushes! The east tile has been cleared!

Flamelasher's southern scouts, expecting an easy trip to and back, instead encounter natives! Assholians have blocked the path and even now grunt in their bestial but mostly understandable language. They seem to be demanding a tax for passage, and refused to leave.

Naturally, you went to battle with the Assholian natives. These scum will rue the day they challenged Richland's military might.

The south tile yields 18 Assholian Insurgents! 5 scouts are slain and 6 are temporarily incapacitated by slings! 15 Assholian Insurgents are slain! 1 scout is slain and 1 is temporarily incapacitated by slings! 3 Assholian Insurgents are slain! The south tile has been cleared!

After the grueling battle, thirty-eight of the original fourty-four soldiers return to the original tile and report.

Well, at least you cleared your tile quota for the day. That's always a good thing, you suppose- and in the morning the ornithopters will hopefully drop off a package of supplies as congratulations.

So settled for the evening, the generals order the entrenchment of their troops before declaring sleep. And so, night comes...


You are glad to find that nothing unexpected has happened in the night. Your soldiers reawake, refreshened, and prepare for you to give orders. A soldier runs up to you and relays orders as usual-

With a shocking addition.

34 of the soldiers that slept in the shelters constructed by Bigkahuna have developed rashes and will be incapacitated for the day while they recuperate. This is... An alarming fact.

Luckily, the supplies have arrived from Richland ornithopters this morning. A cursory inspection reveals the boon of 143 units of food per general. Along with the supplies, a note also arrives requesting the clearing of a further 4 tiles today.

What shall you do?



L18: 3 Red Fruitbushes
M18: 400 Diseased Horses
N18: 56 Wooden Shelters

Bigkahuna is at N18. Saima is at N18. Foolishballoon is at N18. Rulyon is at N18. Flamelasher is at M18.

>What's with the shelters?
>Which tile configurations will you civilize today, and where will you deploy your men and leave your leaders?

Saima:

Bigkahuna:

Rulyon:

Flamelasher:

FoolishBalloon: