Anailaters "Proper" Gm application.

(Please note:yes I have done this before but it was half-Baked and full of spelling errors so I'm going to repost it except with better spelling and really I'm just going to make it better.)

The story
6 Heros in a land without hope, Find themselves tossed into a world where death is a curse and life is torture. Know they must work together to stop the corruption and save themselves, No matter what the cost.

The Heros must cross the land of yostrob risking Death mind and limb to stop the corruption at it's core, or the world will become naught but the home of wild beast and Eldritch Abomination's.

The Rolls:
A 1 to 10 scale with no overshoots unless you get over e.g an 11.
skills can be gained from continuous success in a type of roll E.G Jumping
For clarity you can write what you want to train in bold E.G I skin the bear Skinning
That extra little thing:
Players will have to draw a picture (Of any quallity) And nd it to me by any means the ony thing is that it has to be an enemy and be as freaky as possible (But you know suitable).

When you die or suffer an emotinal blow I will roll a die and either add or take away numbers from a stat e.g. [4=take away] [5/10-1=4/10]
so theirs always the fear of "Monsterfying" so the higher thi stat is the more animilistic and savage this person will become. This will also give them verious buffs and de-buffs. when they die or fill the stat the rest of the peple with you will have to fight the enemy you drew which you will have become.

[Why do you want to be a GM]
I feel like I have alot of imagination I haven't tapped into and want to just get into the swing of writing alot.
[What style will your game be? (Fantasy, Scifi, Historical, etc.)]
Fantasy with Humour
[How often do you get on]
At least 5 times A week.

So I think I did this right this time so yay?


Edit: Fixing stuff up changing story slightly adding stuff

I can't endorse this in its current state. This may sound harsh, but I don't really see a difference from your old application, aside from better grammar.

Please flesh out the story and mechanics. What do skills do? How do inventories work? Combat?

The story is missing punctuation, so I can't really understand it. It also seems pretty generic. Everything's been explored? Why do heroes even exist anymore, then?

Please don't take this as flaming. Just trying to help.

Saima

A complicated explanation of everything isn't necessary, because the game is primarily about having fun. But trust me -- having a layout of where you want to go with the game and having the game works helps.

It helps you more than us, for the most part. However, it helps us in that we know before we get into a game that it won't be garbage, I won't have to lock it, and someone with the ability to post threads in the Game subforum won't be making more garbage.

So yeah, it would help to flesh it out a bit more. Not every single aspect, just a basic overview.

I'm wondering how long the whole "escape-the-infection" will last. Could you hold the players' interest on that? Could you make the game last that long? Is there a time limit? Once the players get infected, is that "Game Over?"

Just some things to think about in the long term.

@samia:Yeah I Understand
I've always had problems with with puncuation and as for the story I don't want to do an "A" Class story I just wan't a story.

I've gone over the story 100 times in my head As for skills I don't see how i can make it any clearer get the skill get a buff (Or a de-buff). As for inventory items will have a set weight and carrying capacity can be made higher like skills.

so those that answer your questions and criticsems.
@Big Kahunna:
Your automatically infected at the begining and i will send you a pm about what the infection does but can you tell me about making it beter because i am acctually trying.

p.s sorry for the shoddyness done on my phone.

About the skills... I feel pretty strange about that now. I used that skill system in my first game, decided I didn't like it, but several other people started using it

If it works for you, go for it. You don't need any complicated charts or anything.

Inventory is fine as is, then. Doesn't need to be complicated either.

About the story... it sounds like you aren't worrying too much about a complex storyline. FoolishBalloon had a fairly successful game (it only stopped because he didn't have time to run it anymore) which was solely about fighting various creatures.

Here's a story idea.

Story Idea!:

That way you can throw challenge after challenge at them, and if you want your game to have an ending, it can go out in a blaze of glory

Also, it can go along with your original plan. If any one player dies or gets corrupted,

Spoiler:

Hope this helps! And don't worry about punctuation (unless you're rolling! Then it helps)... we have a bunch of Grammar Nazis on the forum

:0 Are you calling me a grammar Nazi, Mr. Grand Moderator-in-charge?! Why I never...

@Anailater: Would you be willing to give us a sample roll? It would help me get a better idea of what type of game you want this to be, and in turn allow me to give better suggestions. If yes, please roll this for me:

Minor: Call out to my friends "Who's up for a weapon? I'm cooking up half an armory right now!"

Major: Craft weapons using my wooden scraps and iron scraps, using my hammer to shape the weapon.

Good diction is fun!

And I'd like a sample roll as well... I think Saima was being a bit harsh, as the story outline really wasn't all that generic (atleast to me... I've never read a book or anything about people having to stop the corruption of themselves, and I think it could be interesting)

I absolutely agree with Bigkahuna in that you really need a layout of the plot, branches and all. It's oversights like this that are causing me to (most probably) start a new game, since I was throwing in random mechanics at some points as I thought of them.

Apologies is I sounded harsh, as that wasn't my intention. I just don't want another series of "Flamelasher" games.

Thanks for the kind words i'm just strting the sample roll now as i was away from my computer for a while and didn't want to write it over a phone so expect the roll some time tommorow or if your lucky tonight.

Edit: I hate my laptop so uch have to use note pad or word pad

CHAPTER:? ROLL:?

In which wepons are made

Turn Outro

Spoiler:

I'm really pleasantly surprised at how good that roll was. Definitely more detailed than my first attempts. I'd like to suggest that you make it slightly more clear as to who's character is the center of attention in the roll (maybe just put their name and roll result at the top?).

I'm a guy, and usually RP as one, FYI.

If you're set on having your corruption story, I'd work out some of the kinks in it first. For instance, is drawing a monster really needed? Can you describe the specific mechanics of death/monster-ifiying?

Well as for the death people will have Hp maybe starts at 50 and attacks and idocy causes you to lose hp (Forgot to put that in the roll)

And as for monsterfying that was a thing that in a time of great emotion I would roll and if you got a bad number it would be added to a hidden stat and if you got a good number it would be taken away from the stat and if it hit a certain number you would be monsterfied or if you die the same will hapen.

As for the picture it would help alot as this is what you would be corrupted into but I can work without one it's just a little thing to seperate it from other R2D's that i have seen.

Corrections in curly braces. Corrections are normally in square brackets, but you seem to have monopolized those.

anailater wrote:CHAPTER:? ROLL:?
In which wepons {should be weapons} are made

The gang huddle for warmth in the abandoned Blacksmith {"Blacksmith" should not be capitalized.} {The characters are inside a blacksmith? Eww. Or did you mean a smithy? Blacksmith = person, smithy = building.} {There should be a comma here.} Their {"Their" should not be capitalized.} stock torn to peices {should be pieces} by their unlucky encounter {There should be a period here.}

Suddenly {Use "suddenly" very sparingly.} [Saima's Character] pipes up "If were {should be we're} going to survive the night we are gonna need wepons {should be weapons} and lots of them {There should be a period here.}
Who needs some?" Everyone (Except {"Except" should not be capitalized.} [its-cruchtimes Character] who has magic] {You closed a parenthesis with a square bracket.} Raises {"Raises" should not be capitalized.} their hand and [Saima] gets to
work using her last scraps of wood and iron {There should be a period here.} s[he] {"s[he]" should be capitalized. Also, what are the brackets for? If they're, as I assume, brackets of optionality, "s[he]" would mean "s or she"; if, alternatively, they're brackets of character classification, "s[he]" would mean "sh or se"; and neither makes sense.} manages to make 5 war hammers with enough materials left over
for a greatsword for her[him]self. {Again, what are these brackets for? It either means "herself or herhimself" or "herhself, heriself, or hermself".} [4+1 blacksmithing bonus]

While [Its-crunchtime] tries to meditate and unlock the powers of is {You mean his?} mind he Only {"Only" should not be capitalized.} manages to get a headache
[-1 to all rolls involving powers or intense thought for 2 turns] {There should be a period here.} s[he] {"s[he]" should be capitalized, and again the brackets make no sense.} decides that this is no time to be
dabbling in the occult.

and {"and" should be capitalized} so on and so forth for everyone {Maybe there should be a comma here.} until the end when {There should be an ellipsis here.}

Turn Outro


Suddenly {Again, use "suddenly" very sparingly, never more than once per post.} everyone is disturbed by a pounding at the door {Maybe there should be a comma here.} and before they can escape the door bursts open {Maybe there should be a comma here.} showering wood and splinters everywhere [Dodge roll: 1,5,1,2,4,6] {There should be a period here.} Unfortunatly {Should be "Unfortunately", and isn't necessary anyway.} [Random charactor A] and [its-crunchtime]
Get {shouldn't be capitalized} hit full force by the door {Maybe there should be a comma here.} and end up 10 meters away {Maybe there should be a comma here.} lying rag-doll like on the floor[Both {shouldn't be capitalized} unconcious can't
act next turn except to wake up] {There should be a period here.} [Random charactor C] Dosen't {shouldn't be capitalized} end up better for ware {should be wear} either {There should be a comma here.} being hit by an
[Generic enemy] barging through the door and gets {should be getting} a serious wound up his [roll to leg] Left {shouldn't be capitalized} leg [-1 to all
movement actions for 4 turns or until healed] {There should be a period here.} everyone {should be capitalized} else gets out unscathed {There should be a comma here.} especially [its-crunchtime] who
manages to do a backward somersault and land while drawing his [Cool name] Staff.

And then in spoiler boxes down here status e,g[/center]

Spoiler:

Is English not your first language? If so you have an excuse, but you still should learn how to use it properly. Don't capitalize words unless they are proper nouns or the first word in a sentence. Use sentences. They are terminated with periods ('.'), question marks ('?') (if the sentence is a question), or exclamation marks ('!') (if the sentence is being said emphatically). Use commas (',') where you would have a short pause if you were speaking. Use semicolons (';') where you would have a medium pause. Use em-dashes ('—') where you would have a long pause. Use ellipses ('...') where you would have a very long pause. Use "suddenly" where... well, don't use "suddenly". Inside brackets ('()', '[]', '{}'), only capitalize the first letter if you have a sentence terminator before the closing bracket. There's a lot more, but I'm done for now.

anailater wrote:... can someone tell me a good writing website that you don't have to download that can save.

You mean an online text editor or word processor? Try Google Documents. You really need a spellchecker and a grammar-checker though, and while your browser might do spellchecking as you use Google Documents, it probably won't do grammar-checking.

Wow that's alot of spelling mistakes.
English is my first language but I have dyslexia (Or somthing like that) and i just do't have a mind for grammar
also apart from just saying what i've spelt wrong can you ell me what you thought was good.
also my new laptop dosen't have any good writing services so i didn't have a spell check and due to lots of stuff i can't download one
but i will put an effort into fixing my grammar especially if i get the support that i need to make this game.

8680...? Overkill, much?

Anailater - I totally agree with him though in that you should use Google Docs. It's free (you just have to make an account), simple, no download required and you can save files as most of the common file formats. Plus, they all save online, so you always have a back-up.

It was a pretty nice first roll -- most of the basics were in there. Combat wasn't really touched on, and the skill details weren't really there, but that can be fleshed out when you make your game.

A couple things I would like to know:

A. How do skills in general work? XP, or just amount-of-times-successfully? What is the skill/bonus limit?
B. How would a roll like this play out:

Minor: Ready my newly made Warhammer.
Major: Attack [Generic Creature A41N3]!

anailater wrote:Wow that's alot of spelling mistakes.

Relative to what I'd expect from the average rushed Internet user, your spelling is surprisingly good. It's mostly a lack of punctuation that's the problem. Note that, for me at least, omission of commas creates excitement and tension, hence my marking them optional in the door-smashing and combat narration.

anailater wrote:... can you ell me what you thought was good.

My apologies; I'm... really bad at breaking down a general opinion of whether something is good or bad into opinions about what exactly about it is good and what is bad. So, overall, I'd say you're better than Flamelasher, maybe equal to but probably somewhat better than me, about as good as FoolishBalloon, not as good as the currently active Gamemasters, certainly not as good as Bigkahuna, and nowhere near as good as Zerovirus, which adds up to being good enough.

anailater wrote:also my new laptop dosen't have any good writing services so i didn't have a spell check and due to lots of stuff i can't download one

What is the laptop? Who made it? What's it called? What operating system is it running? And what're the "lots of stuff"? Apologies if I'm asking too many questions; just trying to help.

bigkahuna wrote:8680...? Overkill, much?

If something's worth doing, et cetera.

Skills work just when you use it enough and are successful enough (depending on the skill) you get a better buff to it their are also de-buffs as shown by the head ache.

Also i'll do you turn tomorrow i'm going to bed now.

Still waiting on that roll, anailater! Your game is shaping up well. I would update your First Post with the things you've changed and clarified and such.

I do have another question though (I didn't notice this at first...)

anailater wrote:And as for monsterfying that was a thing that in a time of great emotion I would roll and if you got a bad number it would be added to a hidden stat and if you got a good number it would be taken away from the stat and if it hit a certain number you would be monsterfied or if you die the same will happen.

Turning into a monster upon death and having your comrades attack your resurrected corpse is pretty darn cool. Randomly adding/subtracting a hidden stat that the players have no control over... not so cool. Is there any other way you could do this?

Yeah, but it may be fixed if we could see the stat... we could slowly be monsterifying, until, only one point away, we would almost be that monster. We could even get skill buffs the closer we are to becoming a monster, to reflect our increased primal faculties. Everyone playing would be like: "Crap, Crunchtime is ONE POINT away from turning on us!... What do we do...?"

In game player-to-player intrigue, anyone?

its_crunchtime wrote:Yeah, but it may be fixed if we could see the stat... we could slowly be monsterifying, until, only one point away, we would almost be that monster. We could even get skill buffs the closer we are to becoming a monster, to reflect our increased primal faculties. Everyone playing would be like: "Crap, Crunchtime is ONE POINT away from turning on us!... What do we do...?"

In game player-to-player intrigue, anyone?

That would be pretty interesting, but again- should it really be completely out of the players' control? I think what would be cool is if the players could reduce the "monster" stat somehow, but the higher the stat was, the more skill buffs they would have. The lower it was, the more the buffs would go away. This way, players would attempt to "walk the line", getting bolder and bolder until one of them slips up and monsterfies.

Sorry I was away I wanted to update this but I was banned from the laptop for a while
The reason I can't download a spellchecker is because about a year ago I went crazy with youtube and our broadband bills went though the roof so my parents have banned me from downloading anything, and they can tell me to get off the laptop at any time (that's why i wasn't on).

I like the idea of buffs and debuffs for the monsterfying and seeing as it's mostly based in will power you can use an action to try and get the stat (which won't be hidden) back to 0 (least monsterfyd), also I'm working on the turn now.

Thanks for (constructive!) critcism without it this would be a thousand times more Censoerd.

Browsing the web uses your broadband, and is "downloading" content in the same way the youtube does it.

Yeah they know that's why they can tell me to get off at any time and my dad has been known to hide the laptop from me so that i can't go on it when he dosen't want me to also turn 90% finished.

P'S muwahahahahahaha.

You asked for it here it is i just want to say now Sorry .



Saima [4+2 Sword Slash bonus]
[Saima characters name] acting quickly grabs his new sword and leaps across the room striking at [Generic monster A] [Dodge roll: saima-5 Generic-4] aiming for its chest [Saima character] strikes true managing to make a sizable wound in the monsters chest before leaping out of the way of a club swipe [Dodge: 3-2].
___________________________________________________________________________________________
[Bigkahuna characters name] hastily grabs his new war-hammer he charges at [Generic monster A] aiming to cave in it’s skull [Dodge: 4-2] he manages to strike its head dazing it and causing it to fall over [6] luckily (for you anyway) it collapses on to some rotten wood and then next second all you can hear is a whistling wind and a sicking crunch as the [generic A]] falls into a cavern underneath the mining town.
_______________________________________________________________
[Crunches characters name] fails to wake up and upon further inspection by everyone in the room they realise that his eyes have turned dark as night.
__________________________________________________
Everyone Else's turn ignored because of enemies death.
__________________________________________________
Turn outro: Aw crap
The gang watch terrified as [Its_crunchtime’s character’s] corpse turns into that of a wild beast beyond their wildest nightmares skeletal wings shoot out of his back and his arms slowly turn into blades without reason [crunch’s] eye’s shoot open and his mouth creates an unearthly wale as suddenly everyone feels a sudden sharp pain shoot through the bodies.
___________________________________________________________________________
Then status as seen before e.g
___________________________________________________________________________

Spoiler:

__________________________________________________________________________
Sorry about that you got a bad roll crunch and sorry that you died I rerolled that bit several time but all I got were 1,2 and 3's so you were doomed.

Seems like it's coming along fairly well!

Crunchtime's death was rather sudden and random... I assume the monster stuff will be fleshed out more fully during actual rolls?

And all these laptop issues are also problems. How often can you guarantee a roll for your players?